Chloe takes my emotions to another level. It's sometimes SO hard to reason with her and to remain patient. Being a parent has brought so many challenges. It's a constant struggle with myself to become a better person, provide better guidance and ultimately a better Christian. It's nearly impossible without God's grace. Chloe IS a good girl and she's gotten really good with Shane. She plays with him and tries to watch out for him, like telling him to get down from a chair or a table. Yesterday when I was making dinner I heard the following conversation from the living room.
Chloe: Come on Shane, let's play while we wait patiently for mommy. Alright, Shane? Do you want to play peekaboo? (in a high pitch voice)
Shane: Yeah~
(lots of giggle and laughter in the background.)
Chloe: Now it's your turn to hide:
Shane: Again!
Chloe: Now let's play blocks. You're so good! Oh Shane, I love you! I'm going to be a good sister to you and I promise I won't push you any more.
It sometimes seemed like she was acting especially with her fake high voice but still, it was the most endearing conversation ever between them!
In the mornings, though, sometimes she's a different animal. When things don't go her way, she becomes a beast. If she doesn't like the choice of clothes I pick out for her, and I don't do things her way, she becomes a mess. The way she screams at me is intolerable. She throws herself on the floor and cries. When I say "No don't do that!", she says "No YOU don't do that to me, Mommy!" This struggle can last for a long time.
Before I became a parent, when I see a spoiled kids at a store or even in movies, I was quick to judge the parents thinking, what is wrong with those people, they can't even disipline their own kids. It was so easy to critisize them… but now, I'm humble before God.
This morning we had yet another cries, screams and kiss and make-up episode before dropping them off at school. Since last week, we've been traveling two towns over for their new school which makes it an hour commute each way to get to work. It's a battle field here in Teaneck. Their classes start at 8:30 sharp, which means we have to be out the door at 8 a.m. Between Chloe whining about snacks and her outfits and Shane who keeps trying to take out all the shoes from the cabinet, or going for the toilet every chance he gets, I can become loud. God help me. But after all this craziness has passed and once I get them into the car, I find myself enjoying the rides with them.
Chloe: Mommy, I wasn't screaming at you before, I was just screaming at my toes because they weren't listening. I listen to you mommy, because God told me to obey. I'll become a better listener, alright mommy? I love you.
Me: Good, Chloe. I love you too. ( painful tears coming out of my eyes… ahhh)
Chloe: Is that spooky forest over there mommy? Are there dragons in there? (pointing at a park)
Me: Yes, there are huge dragons in there and they come out once in a while to take away all the kids who scream and whine to their parent. They take them to a far far away land!
Chloe: …
Me: so you should stop screaming and crying, the dragon might hear you.
Chloe: When, when, when the dragon come take me, I, I, I take him to the ground and kill him! And I take all the innocent kids with me and rescue them! (making two fists) And super Chloe saves the day!
Me: kill?? innocent??? What the…
Shane: Warrrrrrrrrr~ (cheering Chloe with admiration)
April 13th, 2010 at 10:32 pm
I really appreciate your openness in this post. You wouldn't be the first parent to feel this way. And you're right: those difficult moments have such great potential to be redemptive for both parent and child. Thanks for sharing.